THE RHEDRUBY: Love and Relationships

Great places to be this Valentine's Day

events Monday, January 25, 2016

Share |

Are Gentlemen still Alive??

LIFESTYLE Monday, September 28, 2015

I remember seeing this picture on a Social media platform.

I was impressed and it immediately got me thinking if truly there are still a few gentlemen alive.

Try to think about all the times or moments you were taking a walk with your boo/man/partner and you tripped or fell severally; yes honey! your man ain't a gentleman *tongue out*

If he was paying close attention, he should have noticed and said, hey baby! watch your step.

Or remember how many times he took you shopping and you had to carry more than half of the shopping bags. Oh wait! He does not even take you shopping? OK maybe he is so busy or you are so busy he would rather buy you stuff at his convenience or do a wire transfer to you; then you go do the shopping yourself. Technically this example might not fly for everyone but you get my point.

Why would Kim K with her history have someone treat her so beautifully; I mean some of us secretly feel her kind of man is one that slaps her and treats her poorly....... *may I say a prayer for you evil-hearted people that ever thought like that :(*

Every woman wants to be appreciated, pampered and loved; I think our virtuous/godly christian women should be treated even better...SOMEBODY SAY YEEESSSS!

We want a lot of things from and in a/our man.

We need someone who can help us cook when we are tired; a man that can help us out without us asking or asking more than once.

Oh how we love so much affection from our man.

Someone who is polite, observant: notices the new hair or nails we have on and compliments it, shows us off to his friends, is sensitive to our feelings and not extremely blunt or sarcastic, oh how amazing if he sends me a text or calls me in the middle of the day.

Offers to carry my bag, buys unexpected gifts and opens the door for me.

WE ALL DESERVE A GENTLEMAN *smiles* well most of us, Lol!

Here are a couple of things we(ladies) expect from a gentleman especially ON A FIRST DATE.

Pay attention to how you dress/look-

Your personal style is very important, so you must define it.

A classy, clean, neat and matured look screams GENTLEMAN.

A clean shave cannot be over emphasized.

Clothes should not be torn, faded, ill fitted or smelly. It does not have to cost much, it just has to come together to give a good appearance.

2. Maintain proper hygiene.

Bathe properly, get good deodorants, refresh your breathe with mints, comb hair properly.

3. Mind your language and behavior-

Avoid swear words or foul language. Be honest but not rude or insensitive.

Try not to stare at other areas of her body but maintain eye contact.

Rather than saying- "Your behind looks great in that dress" say something like, "you look good/lovely"

Avoid being too blunt and go easy on your personal or sarcastic jokes; it is usually very rude.

Do not burp/belch, fart, shout, grab your pants in public.

Remember to give a firm handshake; give two up/down shakes, and then release.If someone does not hold out their hand to shake, simply nod your head and proceed as if nothing has happened if she offers to hug you, oblige her and keep your hands in a safe place.

4. If you ask her out on a date, offer to pay with the intention to actually pay.

5. Treat people around with respect especially your lady.

Stand up when she enters and help her get seated like pulling out her chair or helping her with her jacket or purse.

6. If you are visiting for lunch or dinner, do not show up empty handed.

Also offer to help clear up after. Don't just seat and cross your legs, be nice!

7. Be punctual.

8. Do not flaunt your riches or achievements.

For your woman; Please stand up for her in public; protect her.

Don't say negative things about her to her family or friends.

Ask for family/father's blessing before proposing to her.

Shower her with love and affection.

Spend time with her and make her feel like a queen.

Remind her of your love and commitment.

Let her talk and really do pay attention.

Take some interest, however little it is in what she likes.

LOVE HER! TRUST HER! PROTECT HER! PAY ATTENTION TO HER!

Share |

Pretty but single; whose fault is that?

Christian living Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Jojo: Hmmm my sister, brothers are blind o! They are not just blind, they are lazy! They don't want to chase a lady, they just want you on a platter of gold.

Kiki: Oh we'll you have a point but I am sure there are still some good ones out there?
Speaking of good brothers, how is that guy in your office, Tola or is it Tobi?

Jojo: *rolls eyes* that short guy?!? Abeg! Plus I can't do office romance o, not my thing.

Kiki: Ok.*sighs* uhm I have to go now! Meeting up with my hubby for lunch in 30minutes.
Talk to you later Jojo.

Jojo: Bye darling. Greet oga for us o........*hangs up*

Jojo is a Christian. She is a 29 year old lady, successful banker, lives in her own apartment,
recently got herself another car.

With a sweet caramel complexion, powerful 1.80m (5ft’9) and nice hips, she is definitely a
head turner whenever she walks into any room.

Just a little issue, she is not yet married.....errrrm rhedruby why should that be an issue,

Must we all be married? Is there any big deal in marriage?

Reader: Oh please, don’t sound so Nigerian!!!! I love my space, privacy and singleness.....
can't deal with any man's crap behaviour.

Rhedruby: Good luck getting a man with that attitude!

Reader: *screams* I don't need a man.

Rhedruby: Oh my dear, there is a man that needs you. You see! God ordained marriage for you...yes you! and a man to come together to fulfill purpose, raise godly children and for
sexual pleasure. He intends that the two of you would have the "doubler effect". He also
expects that you have sex only in marriage.....there ain't no intentional baby mama situation here hunnie!

So beautiful sister in The Lord, lol! Bring your head back here!

Marriage is not a punishment, it is God’s gift to us as His children.

Reader: *rolls eyes*

Rhedruby: I feel your pain though!

Society puts pressure on ladies to get married on or before a certain age. This pressure
produces different results/responses/reactions; some ladies become desperate and scared,
some revolt or completely shut their minds off love and marriage because they cannot be
controlled by some sick and backward societal expectation. Jeez!

Even some churches are not helping.....you see captions like.....I must receive my husband or I die.......my year of divine marriage......

People miss the mark on this as a lot of people do not realize that one ought to follow God and His principles because He ordained marriage. God puts no pressure on us nor ridicules us,
rather gives us the blueprint on how to have a fabulous life; marriage inclusive! Your

life is not tied to anyone rather God wants us to relate with each other and not ride solo.

Rhedruby: Lol! So back to the matter, you have it all going on girl, why are you single?

Reader: Ok o! Well my aunts say I am picky. *shrugs*

Rhedruby: Are you?

Reader: Ha!!!! Who isn't? If you like don't be picky, I can't marry just anybody now.
Trust me he has to be 6ft and above, handsome, rich, generous, respectful, faithful, funny,
powerful dresser, perfect gentleman, sensitive to my needs, clean, patient, great listener,
humble, loves my body, top notch personal hygiene.....

I mean don’t even think about talking to me if you have a funky/nasty breathe! Is that too
much to ask?

Maybe I should just date a married man they seem to understand our needs better.

Rhedruby: It is good to have standards and yes, physical attraction is important but that is not all to it. You must understand yourself (know what you want, really need and your life
goals, know the kind of man that can help you achieve those goals and purpose; determine
what you can stand or can't deal with as regards behavior and personal qualities)

Also know that an imperfect lady can't be seeking a perfect man.......the list of qualities goes
on and on......

We could be very unrealistic as no man has all the qualities; just like you have your
imperfections, he does too you know!!!

There ought to be a balance between real needs and fantasy. There are qualities that can be built or improved upon.

A lot of our ‘ideal’ men are married. Some other woman has added some things to the man,
she has worked on him/help him improve on his character (dress sense, emotions as the case may be) to help him become a better person, the better person you see now and think has
always been perfect from birth!

Go get your own work(man) hunnie! Keep your eyes and hands off another woman’s
hardwork.

Plus if you talk to that woman, (his wife) he is still not perfect, he just appears to be perfect
to you!

Reader: Hmmm! Long story!! Anyway I get but honestly o it is even hard to meet a nice
guy these days. Like they do not exist anymore. How do these ladies meet these men by theway?. I am fed up with all these rude and insensitive guys around these days. Don’t even get me started with all their pick-up lines!

Sickening!!!!

Some don't even know how to call/keep up a conversation, only bbm messages....hiss!!!

Rhedruby: You might not need to meet someone new. I am sure you have very good and
nice male friends, you know those ones you 'friend-zoned. You probably met him years ago
and He might have shown some form of interest or fondness for you but you shut it down
saying you are just friends.

You must understand that when it comes to marriage God does not put it out of your reach. Someone you went to school with, someone you work with or have worked with, a friend or
relation of your colleague, a friend of a friend, a project partner might be “the one”.

Someone in your catchment area as well.
The kind of man you are fantasizing about may never come because he is out of your reach
and you are “out of his”, or errrr DOES NOT EXIST!! So let us be realistic!

It does not have to be magical or fairy-tale like, marriage is real and so is the process of it.
It might just be as natural as a Hi or Hello.

Reader: Oh my gosh! You are speaking of George. We were super close before he got
married. Wonderful man! So sad he got away.

I see your point Rhed.

Rhedruby: I am glad you do.

Your character as a woman is also very important, of course it is for a man but even the bible emphasizes on virtue for the woman. You ought to always be good and kind!

You are not working on your character just because you are positioning to meet a good

Man, but because your Christianity should be expressed positively in good character and

not just in mere proclamation of Christianity; God requires it of you. Are you arrogant, or
quick tempered, can’t be corrected, unfriendly, rude or nasty? Ditch those things Sis!

Honey! No one is following you from your village o!! Good and Godly Character is important.

Let us develop it.

Ha Yes! Stop sleeping around. Keep your legs closed and head up sis!!!

Don't be the product to be sampled by everyone.

Remember that whatsoever a man sows, he (she) will reap it. If you want God to give you a
good man, you have to be good too, people will generally talk but don't let it be a general
conclusion of you been evil.

Always pray and be positive. Desperation and negativity are very evident in human
behaviour.
Learn to cook and clean.

Don't kill yourself and stop that negative talk! It is repulsive hunnie.

Smile!!! It works like magic.

Finally be patient and happy.

Check out these scriptural references-
Genesis 24:1 to 11
Proverbs 31
Luke 2:52
Ruth 1: 16-17
Malachi 2: 10-11;16
Proverbs 14: 4

Share |

Oral sex! Good or not?

#LOVE Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Hello people, how are you doing?

It has been a while I did a post on love/relationships and the likes. *giggles*

I remember my friend's reaction when I told him I was going to do this post.

It was something like this

Lol! I guess you probably have the same expression.

I personally enjoy sex related topics, yes sister Itunu does too! The deal is just to keep it in the right context.

Pleaseeeeeeee o! Everything here is for the context of marriage. I believe in the bible principle of staying pure(sexually inactive) till marriage, so if you are not married like myself, please read, keep knowledge and practical exercise *winks* till after marriage.

Hebrews 13:4

"Marriage is honorable in every way, so husbands and wives should be faithful to each other. God will judge those who commit sexual sins, especially those who commit adultery"

Now with that relevant information in mind, LET'S TALK!

Should married couples engage in oral sex? especially Christians!

The Bible approach.

The bible does not give a direct response or rebuke to this; as there is no place in the bible that says...Hey! let not your mouth be found in their partner's privates!

It does not also give a direct go ahead, like say....Oh yea children of Israel, thou shall fix thy attention unto the sensitive parts of thy spouse; wherein thou shalt receive pleasure!

So what do we do?

Let us check out Proverbs 5:19 which says, "Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight. Be intoxicated always with her love"

In the normal order, breasts are used to nurture and feed a newly born baby. YES! That is the normal order, lol!

This scripture however describes the breasts as a sexual organ. So like the buttocks and lips which are not even mentioned here, they are sexual organs.

Hello brother, please how exactly do her(YOUR WIFE) breasts fill you or like some bible translations say 'SATISFY YOU'

It may not be directly stated but I believe not just your hands are at work here, the mouth may be too. Yes? No?

EHHHHHHHHHH! Miss rhedruby please stop twisting the bible o! *you say*

But really if the bible recognizes the desire of a man to consume their partner's body so maybe, just maybe it might not be ideal to condemn it out rightly.

The hands and lips are not anatomical the same so of course I could be WRONG but I am just trying to see a big picture of God's general intent of sex in marriage which is mutual pleasure between the partners.

I could also annoy or please you by mentioning this scripture.

1st Corinthians 7:3-5

"The man should give his wife all that is her right as a married woman, and the wife should do the same for her husband: ⁴for a girl who marries no longer has full right to her own body, for her husband then has his rights to it, too; and in the same way the husband no longer has full right to his own body, for it belongs also to his wife. ⁵So do not refuse these rights to each other. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both husband and wife to refrain from the rights of marriage for a limited time, so that they can give themselves more completely to prayer. Afterwards, they should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt them because of their lack of self-control"

This scripture leads me to the next points.

Harmful, unhealthy or Out of love?

Look at how the bible states that the wife/husband do not have FULL right to their bodies again. The partner has right to it too................... hmmmn ok so let us do some allocation here. The wife has 30% right to her body and the husband has 70% right to HER body and vice versa.

I still have some form of right to my body(it should not be violated by my partner even though he has maximum share interest in it)

So according to the bible, if I feel sick, hurt, irritated, disgusted, depressed, emotionally drained because I have to put my mouth somewhere in my husband's body, IT IS WRONG!

PRAISE GOD O! Someone is finally happy!

If it causes harm, degradation to your partner, it is ungodly. This could also answer the question why anal sex is not encouraged. God intends sex to be pleasurable, desirable and a fulfilling experience for the partners, anything asides that? No! Nay! Zilch!

Did you know that Oral sex could cause throat cancer?

Haaaa!

Oral sex with 6 or more partners raises risk of throat cancer, said one study.

But rhedruby, this study does not affect us now, we are Christians, it is just one partner! Even if I had sexual relations with a billion people; I have received the life of Christ, also now married, it doesn't count! I am a new person now!

Is it done out of love?

Think to yourself.... am I out to satisfy and please my partner of just get my needs and demands met yo!

Church beliefs and doctrine

Some churches or spiritual fellowships and gatherings out rightly speak against it.

It is a sin to some, others are open to the idea.

This issue is tricky or dicey just like the one described in the epistles where some Christians felt it wrong to eat meat and others felt it was alright to eat everything because it is created by God.

I believe in doctrines but we must understand that most doctrines are man-made rules on appropriate mode of behaviour.

I do not believe too much stringent rules should be put on married couples' sexual life.

Couples should decide in love and godly maturity what works or will work for them.

phewwwwwwwwwww!

*cleans sweat*

So those are my thoughts people.

Hope you enjoyed reading this.